I never realized just how important self-care for moms truly was until I gave birth to my twins. As we celebrated mother’s day last week, I’ve reflected a lot on how my life was in the first few months and years of life for my now 4-year old twins. I was sitting looking at videos with them and saw myself and realized that I looked the worst ever while I was at home with them.
The years that were supposed to be magical and the color rose, were rough and with little to no self-care actions in between all the chaos. I mean what happened to the moments that were supposed to be like the sweet diaper commercials where I look great while I hold my tender babies??
I remember my first day back at work, I felt refreshed and full of energy and so excited to enjoy my entire cup of coffee without it turning cold as it stayed on the kitchen counter untouched the entire day.
I was so happy to be back at work and having social interactions with coworkers, but the guilt! Oh my, the guilt! I kept thinking I abandoned my children. I was fortunate to have both my mom and aunt help me with caring for my kids, but I felt horrible at the thought that I should be caring for them full-time too. I mean after all, I had deeply struggled to have the miracle of them come true for both my husband and I.
I decided that there would be nothing else I could do outside of work and that work was enough self-care for the day. I had to go straight home after work and be with my twins every second of the day that I had.
I stopped shopping which meant, I stopped dressing nice. I stopped getting my hair done which meant I lived in a bun. I stopped getting my much needed massages which meant I suffered from an achy back. I can go on and on with everything that I stopped doing for self-care.
Gosh, even when I did have some extra time, I was too tired to want to do anything from the lack of sleep. Those days were brutal.
Reason 1- Self-care is good for your own mental well-being
It was until one day, while I sat in therapy that I cried. I cried, when my therapist asked me if I had mourned my old self. I didn’t realize that I had lost her to begin with and then I realized the huge loss and cried and cried.
My therapist allowed me to be able to grieve the person that I used to be and made me realize that I didn’t have to feel guilty for grieving my old self. In fact, acknowledging my old self would begin to help me teach my kids that it is ok to have feelings and to be able to express them.
It is not about hiding your feelings, but instead embracing them and coping with them in a healthy manner.
My grief did not mean that I didn’t love my children. I could love them and also grieve who I used to be.
Reason 2- For the sake of your children and the modeling you do for them
It made so much sense how important it was to have self-compassion for myself and show myself some self-care again. It was not only for my sake that I needed to care for myself, but for the sake of my children’s wellbeing as they watched me be an example of self-care.
Now, at just 4-years old, they will from time to time say things like “Mom, I need some peace and quiet, I am going to my room for a few minutes.” It brings a huge smile to my face to know they are learning to recognize when they need self-care and how to do this for themselves. I have modeled this for them and knowing this makes me know that it is a wise and immeasurable investment to practice self-care as a mom.
Reason 3- For the goodness it produces for the world
Helping yourself, helps your children and helping your children helps create a better world. So many things in life happen because we do not take care of ourselves the way we are meant to. We get stuck with the traps of the world and its demands with work, money, and societal issues. It is easy to forget about our own needs.
When we take good care of ourselves, we are better people. We are happier and joyful. It is in this state of mind that we perform better and performance comes with good self-care.
Go on and be your most beautiful self.
To conclude, I urge you to think about your own self-care and what are the roadblocks that keep you from doing good things for yourself. Pick one roadblock to squash this week. If you would like to learn more about how to begin implementing self-care into your life read more about it here. Take that first step in your self-care and impact not only yourself, but your children, and those around you.
Elizabeth 🙂